Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
