I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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