all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Pants are for mortals
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
