in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
