Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
