Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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