My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
