so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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