she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
