and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
