Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize