Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
