This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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