We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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