8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
