just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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