had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
