the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
