So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
