She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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