I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
