people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
