Kiss
Puke
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
