see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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