dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
