boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
