I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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