I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
