I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
