he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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