I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
