We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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