i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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