I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
