morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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