ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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