The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
