There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
