This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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