We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
