I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize