If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is wine microwaveable?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
