my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
