You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
