he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize