Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So squirting runs in the family.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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