I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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