I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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