they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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