At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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