this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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