I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
