I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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