You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
