I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
