who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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