Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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