I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
