wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
