I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
