he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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