You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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