its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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