I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
