i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
