Midget sex pt 2 tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
