my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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