is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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