that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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