Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
