All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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