im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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