Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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