She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
