Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
