so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
