My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
