I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
