I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
