Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
