that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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