I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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