he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
