Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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