did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize