I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my liver is dry heaving
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
