bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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