White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize