i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
