I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
