I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
