The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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