Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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