he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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