I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
