I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
