dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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