i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
third nipple confirmed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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