wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize