i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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